


Dark Waterfowl

by kira_katrine



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Geese are aliens, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-31 13:02:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21446638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kira_katrine/pseuds/kira_katrine
Summary: The Doctor and Yasmin find that geese have taken over London.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33
Collections: Untitled Goose Exchange 2: 2 Goose 2 Furious





	Dark Waterfowl

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tish](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tish/gifts).

There were geese clogging the streets of London. Flapping and honking and running about, people fleeing in terror or else chasing after the geese who had stolen their wallets, their car keys, or in one case (somehow) their shoes. Traffic had ground to a halt. It was simply pure chaos.

Which was fairly typical for the Doctor, by this point.

The Doctor and Yaz were looking for Ryan and Graham, who they’d been on their way to pick up before they’d gotten sidetracked by the apparent goose apocalypse… and there they were, wading towards them through the massive crowd of birds.

“Doctor!” said Graham. “I’ve no idea what in the world’s gotten into the geese today. I mean, they’re always a nuisance, but never like this…”

“That’s just what we’re trying to figure out,” said the Doctor. 

“Really? This doesn’t seem like your usual sort of thing, does it?” said Ryan. “I mean, geese are awful, but they’re just birds, aren’t they? Regular old Earth birds.”

“Funny you should say that,” the Doctor said. “Because they’re not from Earth. And neither is the person who brought them here…”

* * *

_ A couple hours earlier… _

“HONK!”

Yaz and the Doctor looked around. There was a large white goose standing just behind them, looking right at them.

“HONK!”

The Doctor pulled out her sonic screwdriver and began scanning the goose. “Huh,” she said. “That’s a bit odd.”

“What?” said Yaz. “It’s just a goose... isn't it?” She had learned you could never be entirely sure when the Doctor was involved.

“Oh, Yaz. There is no such thing as ‘just a goose,’” the Doctor said, putting the sonic back in her pocket.

“...There’s not?” It was true that geese were horrible birds that everyone wanted to avoid. But Yaz suspected there was more to the Doctor’s words than just that.

“Geese aren’t native to Earth. They originally came from the planet Roo, thousands of years ago. I’m not sure how they got here. Maybe a big flock of them got lost trying to fly south for the winter. Anyway, they’ve been here all this time, and they’ve been causing enough trouble, but now--”

“Doctor!” Yaz said, pointing. The Doctor realized the goose had stolen the sonic screwdriver and was making a run for it.

“No!” the Doctor exclaimed.  _ I was going to use that!  _ she thought. Also, she’d made it herself, and she was  _ proud  _ of it! She knew she could always make another one, but  _ still _ . “Get back here!” She ran off down the street after the goose. Yaz followed.

The two of them rounded the corner and were greeted with an awful sight. There were geese everywhere. White ones, brown ones, grey ones, Canada geese and Egyptian geese and at least one that the Doctor was pretty sure was actually a duck. Ducks actually  _ were  _ from Earth, at least as far as the Doctor knew, so that one must be pretty confused--anyway, that wasn’t the point. A chorus of honking filled the air, and feathers were flying every which way. The goose that had taken the sonic was lost somewhere in the flock.

And there was one streetlight that wasn’t where it was supposed to be. Or rather, it was where it  _ wasn’t  _ supposed to be.

And leaning casually against it was somebody who the Doctor hadn’t been expecting to see that day, but now that she had, she somehow wasn’t surprised.

“I see you finally turned up, Doctor,” the Time Lady known as Missy said. “Took you long enough. And you’ve met my new pets! How lovely!”

“Missy,” said the Doctor. “What are you doing here? And what are… all of them doing here?”

“What do you  _ think _ ?” Missy said. “I brought them here. Aren’t they delightful, Doctor? Ooh, that one’s got hold of that dog’s leash, I wonder who’ll be walking who--”

“You brought all these geese into London?”

“Well, yes, that,” Missy said. “I also brought them to Earth. I went back in time a couple thousand years and befuddled a flock of them until they ended up here. Then I just waited until there were enough of them to take over the world with. Almost makes me not want to destroy it so much, when I could watch everyone being tormented by the geese instead. Running and screaming and tripping all over themselves. I’m sure you understand.”

“What? No!” said the Doctor. “I mean, taking over the world with geese is certainly quite a creative plan and all that, but the destroying-the-world thing has never really been my style, has it? I happen to actually like the world, and--”

Then, they heard a noise in the distance. A noise that sounded an awful lot like the TARDIS dematerializing.

“Oh, no,” said the Doctor. “Oh no, no, no, not  _ again _ …”

“Ha!” Missy said. “What a good little goose! Now you’re trapped here, and you can watch with me as the geese ruin your precious Earth--”

“I wouldn’t be so pleased if I were you,” said the Doctor, looking at something over Missy’s shoulder.

Specifically, that odd streetlight, which had also begun to dematerialize.

“No! Bad goose!” Missy said. 

“Come on, Yaz,” said the Doctor. “We’ve got to find whatever’s calling all these geese and shut it off.”

“What about  _ her _ ?” Yaz asked, pointing at Missy.

“Oh, come on, it’s rude to point,” Missy said. 

“It’s rude to invade London with geese,” the Doctor shot back. “Anyway, Yaz, she’s clearly not controlling them. They don’t care about her, they don’t care about anything except food and causing as much mayhem as possible. But she must have done something to bring them all here, so we’ve got to stop it and send the geese home. And then find the TARDIS. And we should probably also find Ryan and Graham while we’re at it. I hope these geese haven’t given them too much trouble...”

And off the two of them ran, leaving Missy standing on the sidewalk surrounded by bored geese.


End file.
